Happy New Year :D

Well that's it, 2009 gone and 2010 here... In about 10 hours? Yea.

Got a 瓷笛 today. Cool little turtle-shell like flute, but the pitch range is kinda little too (10 pitches from 1 to 3'). I kinda like my name now, the 骏, which is engraved on my 瓷笛。

Oh boy I'm kinda looking forward to next year's November already. It is the January to Early November I dread --______--

Starting on a new script. Not sure how it'll turn out but I know I will like it in the end.

Well, till next year, ciao!

Genting Chronicles Part 2

Well might as well I blog about today because I know that there won't be much tomorrow.

[Listening to Blowing Kisses In The Wind: FTW!!!!!!]

15 points of today:

1) Do you know that Kedai-kedai (Malay for "Shops") has the sign with a lady and a young girl holding shopping bags. Now is that stereotypical or what???

2) You don't want to know what's in the toilet near Starbucks: The stamped advertisements.

3) Clouds are mistaken for mists. No wonder; mists are at ground level.

4) Wasn't there 18 levels of hell? Why only 10 at Chin Swee Temple?

5) I realised I haven't been to a temple for a VERY VERY long time.

6) Still thinks Buddhism and Taoism are comparatively better than Christianity.

7) Hates laggy page loads at Starbucks internet --____--

8) Played bowling today. Best score: 62 --____--

9) Pizza Hut was cool for dinner. And cheap. Cheaper than Kopitiam stuff. o.O

10) Starbucks has seen siblings playing a MacBook for two nights.

11) I want to play Space Shot. Though it's crazy. :D

12) I want to buy the turtle-shell flute. But my family pok liao.

13) Being broke seems to be my family's hereditary trait --____--

14) Sian lah 5 more days school reopens...

15) Correction: 4 days and 5 minutes XD

Genting Chronicles Part 1

Weather: Cloudy

Wouldn't talk much about the first day. Basically it's just about traveling and shopping around. However I am obliged to note that I bought my personalized stamp, which I will use to stamp on every script I write. :D (Means that "Before Departure" is mine, 2FG'10!!!)

Today was the fun and a very sian day. Woke up feeling a little woozy, but I was fine. Then we bought a family package for the outdoors theme park. It was quite cool, especially the Space Shot. Man you will not try suicide by jumping off a cliff after this I swear.

But my mother was being a real bitch.

Let me get this straight: I don't mind being scolded, for I know very well I probably deserve it. But when a family member just sulks in a corner just because he/she don't dare to play the thrill rides, that is another story. We were here for a family outing and having one less family member, especially mum, is kinda sucky. Anyways she's got over that emo shit as of now and it should be fine I guess. Will update you guys soon on the next few days.

Ciao.

Happy 2010!

In advance.

I don't think I'll be back in time for the countdown.

On the 1st of January next year I would be 15 years old and 363 days old.

Then on the 2nd I would be 15 years old and 364 days old.

I want to watch an NC16 movie on that day.

Anyone with me? XD

Anyways there is a lot in store for me next year.

First up and most important event of next year would be my 'O' Levels.

Next would be my retirement from my dear CCA's.

Then, I would be looking forward to a new slew of rumours and scandals. From where I don't know but I'm pretty sure there is one already.

After that would be my attempt in joining a youth drama company.

Perhaps even try for a Mediacorp contract. XD

Of course by then it'll be time I get a course on Russian.

Maybe I'll get a debit card too.

My life is gonna change man.

Tang Yuan Disasters...

Oh boy.

Got the tang yuan without filling.

Every year during Dong Zhi my family will make tang yuan.

Hand made of course.

Then one tang yuan would be without peanut filling.

The unlucky guy who eats it gets to forfeit.

Man.

A Ya Kun Coffee treat.

Can someone lend me money?

Pok dao siao XD

Nowhere near Narnia...

Talking to my Indian neighbors....

They don't look Singaporean.

They don't even know Secondary school how many years.

But oh well, maybe it's because their children are young.

Next year is the big year.

The O Levels year.

Oh boy...

Making Tang Yuan today.

Yay.

Trying to learn the Phagspa script.

Will use it to write my diary.

Then I'll post it up here.

:D

Hi...

Holidays are nearly over...

No, wait, it needs a tone...

HOLIDAYS ARE NEARLY OVER!!! AARRRRRGH!!!

So damn fast.

Next year I'm Sec 4 already.

Wow.

Doing a Facebook Fiction on my profile page.

Gotta check it out.

The Chi'ags, Qo'oms and the Lok'sins.

Hehe cool names huh?

:P

I see red clouds...

Red clouds at night=rain.

Usually it rains in the day.

C'mon let it rain now.

Will be damn "song" one.

Listen to MapleStory's Erev theme song.

Rocks big time.

Are there really people living on Pandora?

Want to learn Esperanto...

AVATAR!!!

Avatar rocks big time can?

Watched it yesterday.

Damn cool.

James Cameron is the director to remember.

Not Yiliang. XD

Need to buy new batt for my mac.

Sian.

But got $200 through the EAGLES award :D

Yay.

MONEY FTW MAN!!!

Wah so materialistic. XD

Fucked up...

"Hey but no offense I saw wf's photo and..."

"Glad you know that (You didn't contribute much to EDS) :D"

"Uh, you overreacting and overdramatic..."

Thanks for making this life of mine much more sucky than it is already.

Okay... Time to get serious...

On two things: My studies and Russian :D

I won't post on my studies, but I'll train my Russian.

One sentence per day.

Сегодня я увидел спящую кошку.

Today I saw a sleeping cat.

Сегодня: Today

Я: I

Убидел: Saw

Спяшую: Sleeping

Кошку: Cat.

Alright...

:D

Haha this post is abit lag I know but...

I'm not emo already! :D

Thanks Sis, ABA and Ivy for chatting with me. :D

Not that I'm a stalker or what not but...

When I'm emo, just talk to me.

Coz it works :D

Hell...

Went out cycling today to release my feelings.

I was asking myself what could be the answers to my problems.

Then, around the bend, I saw a nun.

Then, at the time, I have a new found respect for them.

They gave up everything. They gave up money, they gave up life, they gave up love.

I can't do that, I'm too attached to the world.

As I went past the nun, I noticed that with her hair, she looks damn chio.

Do they shave their hair just to make themselves look unattractive?

Can't you see I'm falling apart at the seams...

A Harsh Reminder That Your Life Sucks

New Moon was cool...

NOT.

Seriously.

Sparkling vampires.

Our minds are getting fucked up by America.

Where is the heartbreak hotel?

Heard of "Heartbreak Hotel" by Elvis Presley?

Solid gold man.

But one question.

Where is the heartbreak hotel?

Where is the lonely street?

Where is that room that I can go to and just cry?

Can't stop thinking...

想念姑苏...

Yep... Spam tagged alot of people in alot of photos... I wonder what could I have done differently if I had not gone on the trip...

1) Do homework --___--
2) EDS meeting (Ah still okay lah)
3) Slack around and sleep

Wah... So boring...

Miss Suzhou loads man!!!

I want my journal back ASAP!!!

150th Post!!!

Whoo 150 posts already!!!

Since I can't blog on the Suzhou Trip yet (Though I'm pretty sure I can... Just be safe), I'll just post the link for the albums I have on Facebook.

6 parts!!! Cool right!

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

I got a Part 3.5 coming up as I got those photos in my phone and still too lazy to extract them. :P (Edit: They're done!)

P.S. Got a damn cool profile pic for Facebook :D

I feel like dough...

Seriously.

It feels just so easy to stone there, do nothing, slack and sleep.

But it is not.

Got so many shit stuff to do out there.

Every moment you feel a little guilt: A bit of homework not done, facebook status not updated...

Added with the feeling that you need someone to talk to, yet you want to talk to no one...

Then you feel that you are really weird talking to yourself...

I feel like dough man.

Look at me now...

Haha this is like the first time my mother let me sneak up to play the computer overnight.

Seriously after a bit (okay, not just a bit) of emo-ing and crappy gay-shit stuff, I realize that I can only conclude this present crush. Now let's see how many crushes I have already...

1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7.

Yes, 7. Though I know I claimed earlier on it was "17", it was just-for-secret-gags to see the reactions of my friends. Yeps, if you thought you knew it was 17, haha, fooled you.

But yea I've been a failure all the time. Sometimes I feel like giving up, then either my conscience or some asshole comes up to me and say "Hey look there are people who are worse shit off than you so pick yourself up." Gradually my conscience takes over automatically.

You don't know how it feels like, to pretend to be good, while inside being crazy for freedom.

A little poem...

I know, there is really nothing to post about...

"Virtual Reality"

Eyes glued to the screen,
Hands locked to the typing keys.
Staring and gazing,
Fingers mashing the keyboard furiously.

There came this scene,
Where the princess received a kiss,
Watching and hoping,
To live out this virtual reality.

Eugene Koh

A little poem...

Sorry I can't post about Suzhou Trip yet, haven't get back my journal, so here goes something to fill up space.

"Mistletoe"

Watching the mating birds in the clear blue sky,
You wonder why your passion died.
Taking out her photo, looking at it as you sigh,
Are you going to stand under the mistletoe alone and cry?

Eugene Koh

Poems in Shanghai

Yes I'm back :D Suzhou was great, but here are some poems I created in China.

"Cry"

The hotels rises

Into the Sky,

Couples kiss

Under the moon up high.

The bus drives

Amongst rain or high.

I sigh

With my tear-stained eyes.

Eugene Koh

"A cup of coffee in the cold"

A cup of coffee in the cold,

A trip to Shanghai for cappuccino

A puppy love going so slow

Heaven and Earth, who knows?

Eugene Koh

"Watermelon or Egg?"

Choose: Watermelon or Egg?

Are you going to leave it to providence or fate?

Do you love with your heart or your head?

Will you live a life of hate?

Eugene Koh

"Shanghai Night"

Dedicated to the tour guide

Weaving in, weaving out of roads,

The more I see, the more I miss home,

I look around, hoping to see snow,

But I am content, with the Bund aglow.

Eugene Koh

"Sha Ya Ne"

To 徐姐姐

She greeted with a welcoming smile,

A local meeting with an alien race,

She waited when we said "Wait a while"

For to us it was an unusual place.

At times she would joke, others she would laugh,

Then she would frown, and reprimand.

She was the second mother, reined us in when we ran,

And at other times she smiled, spoke and chat.

On the day we went, she was still the same,

She rushed off before our plane went,

But one thing I'm sure, one thing I will say,

"Xu Jie Jie, Sha Ya Ne!"

Eugene Koh

Okay... A little hiatus...

I'm going off for awhile to Suzhou, China, won't be blogging. BRB after 10 days. :D

Drama Nite 2009...

Tech Run: MD, IT, FG, BN/ HM, CR, GR, RP/ EP, LY, JT, DL

All the classes were there, but I didn't see at least 90% of the EL groups because I had Chinese intensive. It was okay, but then the Chinese directors were back. Holy hell they did give hell. And dead serious. I thought we could have gone home by 5, in the end it was around 7. I got a glimpse of JT CL. Well I only knew the "mimed" part was good.

Day 1: BN, FG, IT, MD

BN EL: "Willy Wonka Phobia" Didn't really work for me. Couldn't really understand. Didn't really watch either.

FG EL: "Before Departure" The best one for English for that night. Number 1 it is because the actors rock! Number 2 is because I wrote the script. :D Haha the last part is the best one, but I don't the the audience kinda got that...

IT EL: "A Strange Fairytale" Justin, Rachel, Ranchel, Jessica. What else can you ask for but the best Sec 1 actor in EDS and three really great actors as well. Haha ending scene Justin knelt down. Really good.

MD EL: "Silverkeys and The Three Pigs" Interesting story, but it's just another spin off.

FG CL: Luggages and something about trust being very important in Happy Island. Typical ending with a moral.

Day 2: HM, CR, GR, RP

HM EL: "Romeo And Juliet" Should have been a decent play. Marcus, Claudia, Gisella all in there. Best actress in Sec 1 EDS, then again, Marcus was kinda disappointing, but oh well he has a slew of great actors to hone him :D

GR EL: "Macbeth" Yes come to think of it, the two Shakespearean plays I see this year is the most disappointing. Wan Qing and the others only acted the witches' scene. Oh well... Their pronunciation was good anyway...

CR CL: A story about this guy who was in a nightmare that he lost his youth due to playing PSP. Jean acted as the teacher. Sucky story, funny music but still okay.

GR CL: Journey to the West. I can only remember a final scene where they did a freeze frame.

RP CL: Best performance. Touching story revolving around debts and loansharks. Wong Li Kai, I'll remember you.

Day 3: EP, LY, JT, DL

EP EL: Phantom of The Opera. Chon Wey acted great, but didn't understand the play at all. Yea and Aria was all nuts over Raoul. XD

DL EL: Donkey, the man and his son. Now who would have ever thought of ripping off a fable?

LY EL: Love Me. Is that even a drama skit? But kudos to the acting. Le Jun was just prancing around during the first part. Geez I had to be the mike stand during the rehearsal. :@

LY EL: Alice in Wonderland. Alice was chio and good, the bunny was good too, but too little content. Aria was commenting alot on Alice, saying that her acting was good. I had little to argue about.

LY CL: Zheng He's Voyages. Now that is what I call unity and clear voices. Koping their costume too. Malay music was abit off and funny. (Imagine a Chinese Eunuch dancing "Rasa Sayang ")

JT CL: Butterfly Lovers. Epic love story. Very good acting. But the Bao WenChai almost cropped out everything by being almost 3 full minutes late for his last entrance.

DL CL: Journey to the West. Epic comedy by Tie Shan Gong Zhu. Don't mess with that guy man. I could swear everyone was cheering when he ("she") came on. XD

EP CL: Save The Earth. Clearest message and really good acting. Transformer was the nickname for that alien.

Well that's that.

So now... End of Sec 3... Next year Sec 4...

Looking back on those years, I hated sec 1, disliked sec 2 and I loved sec 3 the most. Guys, 3BN, you shall be in my heart as the benevolent guys :D (Along with Mr. Zaid :D)

Drop to Express liao... No more that "Special" feeling to my name... Sigh. Oh well, I wasn't cut out for Chinese anyway. A quarter of Euro blood in me did the shit xD

Three shows to act in and direct this holiday season. No time to chat alot liao: A lot to do!

Chabot :D

Eugene

Idee Stupide...

Fabri Fibra ftw man.

A little poem...

Yes I don't seem to write poems nowadays... But I'll give it my best shot.

Dedicated to Jeanelli (For complimenting my poems :D)

"The Hound"
By Eugene Koh

Here and now,
My love abound,
I wish it to be found,
In the solemn midnight, oh how silent is the hound!

I'm reaching out to you,
Falling over you.
I'm seeing beyond reality,
Wishing beyond seas of rationality.

They say that fools rush in,
But the wisest always win.
Though I be a fool, a great one at that,
Allow me, my humble self, kiss your hand.

I am, the hound.

Well, well, well...

Never thought life would be this hard...

So many choices...

Temptations galore...

I'm not alone...

But why does it feel so...?

I leave it unanswered...

I hope you can reveal it to me...

Yourself...

Life...

So this is how it is.

I killed a bug yesterday.

It was on the dining table.

So unfeelingly I did squish the bug with a tissue paper.

Then it's gone.

A life.

Like my life, like any of my friend's life.

Then I realized this is the basis of all our arrogance.

The ability to kill and destroy almost anything.

Why so sad?

Exams finish today... Yay...

Went to Aljunied. I looked back into GMPS. It's hard trying not to remember the past. He's dead. My Primary 3 self. He's long dead already.

A few primary schools students played at the fitness corner. Mitchell... Means... Lau... Jasper... Yes I remember those four houses. How strange, they used to be a part of me.

The surroundings looked so familiar... Yet foreign.

The library looked almost the same: But something tells me it isn't. Is it because the third floor is locked? Or are there some books that weren't there already? I'll never know...

Anyways this is what I plan to do for the holidays:

1) Learn Russian.
2) Limit 1 hour of computer time per day
3) Read all of the big three totalitarianism fiction stories. (1984, Fahrenheit 451, Brave New World)
4) Finish filming Daniel Got Double Laced

Which reminds me, I got to write the script fast.

Chabot.

How bad do you want it?

Of course, I knew this would come. Nothing lasts forever.

She wouldn't even dare to look at me.

She wouldn't even care.

Snobber.

She wouldn't sit behind were I stood for the likes of her.

But she did.

What the hell is she thinking?

...

I couldn't say that how much I've changed nowadays. Literature was great yesterday. But while the poem "Cardboard" by Aflain Sa'at was really nice, it kinda disturbed my thoughts periodically. There are those out there who are much worse off than us. Then why on earth do we even think that we are the most troubled?

I'm going out with Ser Jean on Tuesday. :D So happy.

Gotta be going off to school to mug.

Gotta chabot.

Yesterday Once More...

Today I went to the library. (I know, not much of a starter but still)

I kinda learned that I could borrow books that I wanted to actually buy. I borrowed Ray Bradbury's "Fahrenheit 451". Burning books... Sounds a lot like some Chinese Emperor?

(Gotta rush this blog post so yeah don't mind the crap)

So two things happened:

1) I saw Richard Dawkin's "The God Delusion". I was so tempted to borrow the book. I wanted to open it and read it on the spot... But well, life's like that. Always no time. And the fact that my mother knows the word "delusion". Where are the times where I did not have any censor to what books I can read?

2) I saw Chris Bestie. She looked happier. At least from the last time I saw her she looked happy and round :P. But she changed a lot since P4. I don't know why but I hovered around her, just checking that she's still there. Maybe regret surfaced. Or maybe it's that old school feeling. Either way, I know she's important still. But I could not be with her. Her emotions and thoughts are different from mine.

Gotta chabot. Tmr got E History and Maths.

You wish...

So innocent...

It was tough enough to get 250...

And my bro's thinking to beat me

He just like started really studying this half of the year...

I was put through that shit since P5 man.

Oh well...

Seriously my father offers him 500 bucks to get 250

Must be those type of deals which purpose is to be only a goal

Coz it's really nt possible...

Idee Stupide...

Stupid ideas...

Sigh...

I feel like prisoner behind bars...

I shout, I scream and no one hears...

But I'm not alone...

There are those who's prisons are harder than mine...

Colder than mine...

Harsher than mine...

Thinking of them makes me feel I'm lucky...

I am lucky...

Ho hum...

Well that's it, the end of this weekend.

Just yesterday I called Ser Jean.

Hehe her cousins teased her about me being her "boyfriend" >.<

Well, what do you expect out of that?

Today my mother locked the Macbook.

Luckily she didn't know how to turn on screen-saver lock: It was only a password change.

Still I can't install Final Cut Express 4

Damned. That looks really cool.

Should be on hiatus and studying.

But I'm really not.

Sigh...

A date gone bland...

Sigh... Thought it'll be something like a one-to-one thingy... In the end she got a few friends along...

At least I got to see her other side a bit more...

Hey she's cute okay...

But the two other girls distracted me too much...

I had to laugh along with all of them, I couldn't really focus on her...

Geez, better luck next time.

At least, at least, this's the beginning.

OMG?

Eugene says: "Oh my god" in the Hui Min accent

Did I really just do it?

Or is it bound to be another "you wish" sorta thing?

Or is it really true?

It seems to be true.

I asked.

She said yes.

So just like that.

A date.

Did I really do it?

Oh my goodness.

I think I really did.

More stunned than happy.

:X

I am Koh

Chem SPA... Hmm, not much to say about.

Seriously it's just do... do... do... calculate... press calculator... done.

20 minutes to spare.

What to do?

Sleep lor.

Like now.

Nothing to do liao.

What to do?

Sleep lor.

I love da' new specs...

Yeps I got new sunglasses!

Hey it's mighty rich alright? Mr. Zaid's own rich collection.

And those are the leftovers. xD

Do I really look good in those sunglasses?

Maybe I should sell one, then keep the other one.

Natch both look too good to sell.

Besides it's free for me: I should keep it. It was a sincere gift. Wait, those are leftovers. xD

A Little Poem...

Shall not say much, tis' a love poem ;D

"In Vain, In Venice"
Eugene Koh

The heart pumps, in vain,
Taken for granted, yet it pumps,
Yet again.

The rivers, in Venice,
Flowing through, still and slow,
Silence in agony.

Love, a word taken too soft,
Murmured in vain, whispered in Venice,
The lies flow on.

My love, in vain, in Venice.

When you realised it, it is too late...

EDS... That has always been the focus of my Secondary school life. Up till now. It has never slipped off my mind for a moment during the past few years I'm in Chung Cheng. Now I am the Assistant Boss of EDS... And now there is trouble.

Me and Aria just can't seem to go along well with Joey. But Joey is the Boss. And we both cannot deny it. Me and Aria can do great stuff together but... If we leave Joey out of the picture then EDS would be at a loss: We wouldn't be the CCA we were. If we leave Aria out of the picture Joey and I cannot work well and vice versa. It is a big problem.

Roi told me today. I need to bond the Exco. But how? I have given a deadline, October 15th. Even with that long date I don't think I can do it. Joey hates me and Aria now... Aria and I hates Joey... This has to stop before it is too late.

I talked with Ser Jean today. The Sec 1's who just joined EDS feels that it is fun, bonded, not like their own CCA's. We cannot lose that. We cannot lose that. We cannot lost that. WE CANNOT LOSE THAT!!!

I need cooperation. This is my first hurdle. I respect Roi more than I ever respected anyone. Unjust councillor system... He would have made Chung Cheng pround, and I think he has.

Long Live EDS.

I feel like screaming...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is not helping me but hell it feels okay. My mother got the laptop and now I can't play my computer games I'm hell bored and I'm really gonna shoot myself if I had a gun help help help this really sucks now I think I'm really stressed up I need an outlet I can't just shout like that My mind is blank gosh i hate this argh argh argh I hate councillors and their bloody rot they just suck up to chia bomber to hell with him anyway heck all people go to hell it's whether its good hell or the bad hell wait there isn't a fucking difference right fuck I hate this ARARRAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHh

HELP FUCK HELP FUCK AAAAAAAAAARGH

Buay tahan...

I know, this is like the second time today. But really, if one don't have an outlet for stress, then how to survive?

My goodness this monologue is really maddening me. Looking at 31 prospective chat partners on facebook and even more on MSN, I can't find someone to really talk with. I am really going insane. I'm really typing out rubbish here, it just comes off my head. I'm not even thinking about what I'm going to write. I hate christianity. Really they really suck. It's just plain Hitler buttered-up.

I don't know but religion and relationships irks me nowadays. Two things I can never accept, while I can never avoid. My fingers are hurting.

Here's a joke: I dreamt of working in a bakery last night with Mr. Teo. Oh my goodness was I tempted to run away. Then I saw her. Then I started running. Then every step became like... I think I said it in the previous post. I hate it. I like the dream but I don't like the message it's getting to me. There's one time I dreamt of a tsunami and I was in the wave. I keep going up for air but the wave just keep going up and up. I feel breathless. I woke up. I was really suffocating myself. How dumb can that be.

Argh my mother is gonna play that bloody christian internet radio. All about improving one's lives. Blind, blind, blind. Can't they see that it is a selfish religion with a selfish god? Can't they see that? Can't they help those around them? What fuckers these fools be!

My fingers are tired. I hate this. Fuck my mother is commenting on the news again. I don't like this. This is okay but it's getting unbearable. Everyday is the same stuff: Making a fool of myself, doing well in class to scrape through, acting as though everything is fine, being a mentor to a lot of people. This sucks, really sucks. No one actually appreaciates. But who ever does? Man, I'm really crapping shit down here. i should really study social studies. man it's getting stupid. yea i'm losing my punctuations. okay its getting worse worse worse and worse i think this is not going good oh geez york hao just signed in md ppl suck they suck big time they think theyre so great to burning hell each and every one of them wait i don't believe in hell fuck i dnot care shut up i'm sleeping

My inner feelings...

Yes I know it is a little late for this post but well when you have a life like mine there are things you wouldn't care about...

I hate it. I hate coming back home. It is like coming back to a room full of toturous sounds. Internet sermons, worship songs and the like... It is irritating me. Big big time. It is irritating me. Big big BIIIIG time. Gosh I feel like screaming. I hate this. I want to know "why". But I know if I search for "why" I will lose the "how". And the "how" is more important.

I cannot stop. I cannot stop. I want to escape. I want to escape. Bring me out of this torture chamber. There are people who cares about where they go when they die and care a shit about children who die in Africa. There are people who advocate organic farming and not care whether the food production figures will be hurt when it is even not enough. CRAP THE SONG IS GETTING LOUDER I HATE THIS.

FUCK WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO ORDER ME ABOUT!!! Confound your religious shit go to your own hell I hate you when you getting all so high and mighty. A pack of stupid stupid stupid lies...

I like you but I cannot say it. I cannot proclaim it. A clandestine love... Why why why? How how how? I'm tortured I'm tortured I'm on the brink of insanity. I see you walk past in my dreams and I run... But CONFOUND MY LEGS THEIR WEIGHT ARE LIKE GOLD!!! Every step is painful, painful, painful.

I'm sitting here looking at the screen furiously typing on the keyboard. I hope my mother thinks I'm playing typing maniac. It's good I can type fast. I can't hate myself. There are those worse than me...

A little poem...

I dunno what I'm gonna type today, it's going to come off my head.

The President of the World
By Eugene Koh

Myriad societies, pleading for world peace,
Warring nations, hoping for war to cease,
Famine and poverty, when shall it stop?
No one to nothing, until the world halts.

The nations gathered, 2010/10/10 10:10:10,
To discuss a hopeful solution for a looming end.
No one agreed, no one listened,
No one left, but there was nothing right.

A mysterious leader, a cult appeared,
Holding the key to the end of the doomed year.
A smile, a shake, moving up through the ranks,
His popularity was unparalleled, his leadership unquestioned.

He took the podium, amongst the quarreling leaders,
He calmed them abit, and he calmed down the world.
"A world government," he proclaimed, and everyone cheered.
No one left, and everything was right.

"A world government, for you and me,
Prosperity for all nations and countries,
The world comprising of small states,
With each town voting for a mayor,
Mayors electing to be leaders,
Leaders electing to be Continent Heads,
Continent Heads electing to be the President."

All applauded. It was simple.
Added with the enigma with this person had all was true.
But hidden within, a plan awaits,
To be God, and to decide everyone's fate.

All hail the President of the World!

They Don't Really Care About Us

Hi, back after quite awhile already...

I guess it's like safe to put almost everything here, everyone thinks this blog's dead alr... XD

Such a sudden death of MJ...I've never been a fan of MJ before. Heck I only heard "Black and White" once and like that's it. But after his death he seemed more real to me than when he was living. Is it true we savor only lost memories?

You know, ever since I started liking girls I've always been a big failure expressing these emotions. Geez. I can rant alot about this topic but it still says the same thing, a big failure.

I'll try to redefine my Atheist stance... It is not that I am trying to prove that there is no God, I believe that there is no God. The only people whom I can actually talk to normally are those who tolerate my views or are on the same frequency as me (Agnoists counts too :D)

"If Martin Luther was living, he wouldn't let this be no, no..."

RIP MJ

P.S. Paris Jackson looks cute :P

Leadership Camp iOrganise 8/6 - 10/6

Let's cut the crap and get to the real story yea? XD

Day 1 Night 1:

Gosh, where do I begin? The first bloody thing that actually hit me was that I needed a pencil case for the camp. No one bloody told me man. And there were guys from PVC. Holy hell help me.

So we are not in groups yet. And the first activity kinda started after a really brief briefing. (I cut alot of crap here that I wrote in my draft, just to remind myself it is about my FEELINGS) Gosh I didn't know whether I was a Stand Up or a Stand Back leader: I looked both at the same time. I didn't like the activity and what the more "hiong" ones would bring. (And the notion that I'll be staying for 48 more hours there)

The next activity needed us in pairs. Yan Lun was my partner. Haha lots of fun. But the uneasy feeling of being in the camp for the few days to come was still there.

So right after that was forming the team. Most interesting was Fang Yu. Mainly Chinese speaking, it is really, really surprising that I could communicate with her (Quite well in fact). So out group's name was 丐帮. I didn't know what the hell that was or what it actually means, but I took it anyway (I learned that it was "Beggar's Sect" later on). This was the group I had for the camp, and till the end of Open House (Which was the aim of my team)

So first activity I took up the leader role. I would have got a role for the rest of the activities as well if it wasn't for the "Stand Back" element of "Empowering". Oh my I forgot a person's name (Xin Hui sorry I left you sitting :P)

So lunch. Ho hum. Packet Fried Rice. And Fruit Punch.

First "hiong" activity: Tug-of-War. Position: Third.

Really tiring, and it took a long time for the commitment to come about. But it came anyway. My statement is something for the team "'0' is an atomic bomb guys!" (This paragraph is a total understatement but that is really the best I can think of)

1700 already??? My god time flies man.

Stay/Trek? I hate it when Tony said Stay is the correct answer: I prepared everything for a trek! But geez it was kinda scary.

Then dinner. Then an activity in the concourse.

I noticed something about myself: I'm always picked to be the second best leader. Only once voted best leader but that was of a close friend. (Yea Cheng Hao :D)

(It's about time I started to have feelings for someone already but I didn't realise it then)

Then it was some boring discussion on Open House. And sleep.

(Gave up. Forgot the rest already)

A little poem...

Dedicated to someone. You cannot guess. Is not in 3 BN. Neither used to be my classmate.

"Amor"
By Eugene Koh

Up at night, listening to silence,
Looking at your face under the deep, black sky.
Up at dawn, thinking of nothing,
But your kindness you show within.

Walking amongst the day after yesterday,
The spirit of tomorrow remains.
Yet, however much the line can blur between three,
Are you still, do you love me?

Amor, the Spanish love,
Under the deep, black sky.
Amor, the Spanish love,
Thoughts about nothing.

You have taught me,
While I had crushes,
My passions overlays my matured love,
My heart too blind to see beauty,
My eyes too blank to feel your kindness.

If love is for eternity,
My infatuations are destined to ruin.

*Blank*

(Didn't know how to put the title of my blog as) XD

Looked at many of the linked blogs. Man, everyone seems to be suffering under depression, emo-ness, sadness. I am, however, quite optimistic still. Apart of being overly agitated in some circumstances, I always become quite happy afterwords. What is so difficult about life? Does no one see things from a few more angles?

Started learning COVERT HYPNOSIS >.< (Will not explain much on this topic. Though I really have lots to say. REALLY!)

My marks suck. Ah, actually it doens't: Only Chinese sucks. Gonna improve that damned shit. Or else :P

Leave you with a quote (From the Great Eugene):

"Love does not hurt. Regret does."

(This goes out to all my hurt friends. (You know who you are: Even if you are a visitor) I know this feeling of being hurt in a relationship: It is not love you dumbass. It's really only regret. Love still feels wonderful.)

A little poem...

YES! IT IS BACK! The "Little poems" series is back!

yeA well let's get on with business...

"Quay Under the Stars"
By Eugene Koh

The evening after Midsummer's (the play),
I went to walk in Clarke Quay,
Picked up a cup of Coke,
Medium sized, walked around.

The lights of the night dazzled,
More than the rays of the sun,
The lights that shone under my feet,
Shone brighter than the stars above me.

High chairs and neon lights,
Set this a pretty sight:
Teenage girls hanging out with their steads,
Knowing that it is half past ten.

As I walked across Rear Bridge,
A sudden thought struck me:
They are workers by day, clubbers by night,
So when do they sleep: In the day or night?

Back again...

After a really really long "break", I'm back! :P

Well, exams sucks. The only thing I want to say about this topic is "Gotta improve". Nothing more.

Ah, well. I've been learning Russian over a year already. Nearly done with the conversational, but putting that aside.

Got penpals. One from Poland, one from China, a few from South Korea, one from Indonesia. Gee, having friends around the world is fun. Also, reason to check emails XD

Start getting into the totalitarianism fad. Geez, life must be hell in North Korea. But, oh well, having to control your own mind from becoming berserk is hard work too. Hate life.

To live is to die :P

1984...

Just recently I bought a book titled "1984" by George Orwell. Amazing plot I say. Authoritarian regimes... A controlled society... Something that I can actually visualize. It isn't everyday you come across a book like that.

Of course, you would think that my parents would be supportive of buying a book. It's education anyway. But NOOOOOOOO! My parents care for money more than any fucking thing in the universe man! Depriving their own son even from a little literature: Why, I can be worse off shooting toy guns in the air playing CS or Dota or WOW or what not. Gee, can't they see they're spoiling my future? My future in the literary and theater arts? FUCK IT!!!

Well, gotta go to school. Bye.

A Midsummer's Night Dream

The story of 2nd April in a poem

"A Midsummer's Night Dream"
Eugene Koh

The actors at school, 5 minutes after 7,
The props were put up, the make-up nearly done,
Actors practise! Practise your lines!
Make sure today is the best of our time!

The actors outside the stage, in the dressing rooms,
Practise and more practise did they do.
More power! More voice!
Let's stun the audience with our wonderful choice!

The stage is set, the play's begun,
The actors ran their lines one by one,
No slips, no corpsing,
Tis' great, the work of a few centuries.

Shakespeare should have smiled in his grave.

Story Challenge VS Chinese Oral

Similarities:

1) Spontaneous

2) Speech has to be made in a short amount of time

Differences:

1) One is English, the other in Chinese.

2) One has 15 minutes to prepare a speech, the other requires on the spot presentation.

3) I'm more nervous for Chinese Oral than Story Challenge

But overall, I did quite well for Chinese Oral.

Angel

I have seen you, your face, since the time we were merely 10.

I have seen your love, passion, hopes, dreams, since when we were 11.

I have seen your fears, sorrows, pain, hatred, since when we were 12.

I have seen you shattered, broken, torn, hated, since we were 13.

I have seen you renewing, hoping again, giving a second chance, when we were 14.

But as I see you, giving up, hating, faking, lying, smiling-through-tears now... I still feel sad for you.

I am still, your angel.

Story Challenge '09 Finals

WHEE!!!!!!!!

Zhe Kai, Rachel, Ranchel and Claudia, You all ROCK MAN!!!

To Zhe Kai: Don't worry about losing to Faye. You had the potential man, you can do it! Second is good, really good already! ROCK ON!!

To Claudia, Rachel, Ranchel: Man, you should have seen yourselves. You guys totally owned the stage man! The audience really liked your story, and Second is really good already. GO MAN!!!!

On another note: Wa kao, tmr is school liao... Sian...

A few poems...

A/N: 3 poems inspired by Disney's Wall-e... Well, I think the movie is damn cool can?

"Standby"
Eugene Koh

Why aren't you awake?
Why can't you look at me?
Why does that green light flash?
Why, why, why?

Did you see that I sheltered you from rain?
Did you see the time when we rowed across the drain?
Did you see the the lady and the man?
The way they held their hand...

Can you hear me, can you listen?
Can you speak to me, can you whisper?
I will stand by you, from now till forever,
Even when your heart stands-by.

"Define: Dancing"
Eugene Koh

1) The kiss we had; so harmonious,
I hear the stars twinkling towards us,
I feel no need for a power source,
All I need, is you.

2) The moon shines ahead; And duty calls,
The heart of ours shall intertwine,
The merriment of our minds shall combine,
Now, and forever.

1) The little buzz, the little breeze,
The sprinkle of the can, the life of the plant.
Now we are one, separated no more by orders,
We are now our own masters.

2) Our steps are one, your move with mine,
The song synchronizes the love of our lives,
Was there a better way to describe, or define,
This wonderful word: dancing.

"Directive"
Eugene Koh

I must, I should have, I will,
My directive is now you.
The plant, Earth and the people,
Are now nothing to me.

You are hurt, injured, bashed up,
You must be fixed; no matter what,
You must go on, without fail,
It is my directive.

You are broken, shattered, misplaced,
I should have led you to a safer place,
I should have not brought you with me.
It is my directive.

You are nearly fixed, repaired, done,
I will bring you with me,
I will make sure you will be with me,
It is my directive.

Speak to me, do you remember me?
Directive...

Story Challenge 2009!!!

Wow, the prelims ended today (wait, actually, yesterday). Those guys were great man, Zhe Kai, Eunice, Claudia, Rachel, Ranchel, Ben, Xiaoqi, Meagan were all super-pro. I'm proud of you guys man! Now Zhe Kai and Claudy's group is going for semi-finals. But dammit I got tuition leh what the hell... Nvm, I get Aria to video for me haha. Okay, I gotta go install my windows. Comment my story on my tagboard or else no updates :D

A little poem...

Topic kindly sponsored by Yvonne.

"The word 'Love'"
Eugene Koh

Four letters, so commonly seen,
Yet the geniuses couldn't explain.
One word, so usually heard,
All but a simple gesture, the word is heard.

How can one describe it?
Is it like electrons, moving across the body, tingling the senses,
Or is it the feeling of rush, that constant acceleration that whirls the mind,
Or the heart, pumping, racing, the body pumped with pleasure.

But the word, as simple as it sounds,
Brings with it a consequence of pain, if not dealt well,
Brings with it sorrow, if abused as in hell,
Brings with it punishment, for failure to reciprocate.

The word, love.

A Duet Poem...

It takes alot to write one okay... Appreciate it!

Hell and Love
Eugene Koh

1) Burning hot, these flames of fury,
These passions ignite my senses around me.
Like molten lava, flowing in snow,
I seek your cool, dense burrow.

2) Feeling cold, the shiver is sent,
The messenger of silence goes down the bend.
Like frozen ice, grappling the heat,
I seek your hot, passionate kiss.

1-2) It is hell and love together,
You and me forever,
The youth springs, the matured falls,
The summer winds and the winter halls.

1) The flames rises from the depths of hell,
But oh, senses of joy it arouses!
Those lips of your, burning like fire,
The sweetness of your lips, hell-laced desire.

2) The coolness of the wind caresses my cheek,
The leaves fall to mid-autumn springs.
But, as the rose starts to whither,
The pollen attracts the bees yonder.

1-2) It is hell and love together,
Your flames and my winds forever.
The northern winds blows towards the southern seas,
The eastern ships look for western glee.

It is hell and love, forever.

A/N: This is seriously my first "horny" poem. Dunno what's got into me today!

Choice...

Who knew a workshop can actually lift a person's spirits up and discard his emo-ness? Lols, now I'm back not emo. Yay!

Sheena's voice (the facilitator) keep repeating in my head. Just that one sentence, "Nothing right, nothing wrong." It is just a matter how it will come out to be. Choices that seems to be doomed may sometimes work out. Choices that seems likely to be successful may not work out. It's time I put that principle in my life...

I chose to be emo, nothing right, nothing wrong, but I choose to change it too.

I chose to be an authoritative figure. Nothing right, nothing wrong, but I chose to change as well.

I chose to hate Christianity. Nothing right, nothing wrong. But I choose to soften my stance as well.

Thanks to those who have supported me through the last few days when I was emo. You guys were great! Thanks!

Project Vibrant Colors 2

Oh dammit it's like just yesterday I'm giving up leadership positions for everything and today something about being a self-leader -.- Au Cotraire, fuck it? Never mind, it was fun anyway. I got to meet a nice Sikh guy (Hamid) from CCHYS, and a girl called Hui Yee (coincidentally) from RVHS (whoa). But it is like crap on public speaking which I definitely know and am used to, oh but let others have a chance. Hey, and please check out Doppelganger on my story blog, yea? Coz I think it is going quite well :D:D

Alright, its time I go. Bye.

I never thought... That I'll go insane... No matter what, I'll strive till the end...

Nobody cares... Anymore...

Hey man. Surprises around the corner just all the time, yea? Just yesterday I just gave myself a little shock. Huh. Yea, if I step up to be chairman almost everyone will quit. Fine man. I mean, it's not their fault, it's the really ambitious ideas of mine. And being angry just only makes me lose my mind and energy. That's why I didn't post chapter 3 yesterday (sorry, yiliang). Who cares about anything now? I'm not a responsible guy that you all know (since like when) anymore. I'm like gonna quit AVA, just slack through EDS and oh yea I'm retiring as a class chairman. Whoopee, so fun. Funny eh, to think I wanted gold-with-honors for EDS... now that is like, fuck it, I dun care.

Nobody cares... Anymore...

A little poem...

I should really relate my life into either stories or poems. Its more fun.

Russian Roulette
By Eugene Koh

One gun, one bullet, one chamber
The adrenaline rushes through me
One spin, one turn, one stop
The suspense is killin' me.

The gun, the bullet, the chamber
Weapons of disaster, yet now a hand-held game
The spin, the turn, the stop
The gambling roulette, my life's at stake

The gun points to my head:
Do I calculate my chances?
The spinning stops:
Do I show my fear?

One click, either wrong or right
But it is so fun, this game life
Like a cigarette, so slowly to die
And so slowly, do my fingers recline

Click.

A little poem...

A/N: It's like I write poems better than stories. So dammit here's the next one.

"Whatever"
By Eugene Koh

Whatever,
Who actually cares?

Anyone,
Or anybody, dares?

Whoever,
Would want to befriend me?

Somebody,
So close, yet so far.

Somewhere,
Where I can touch the stars.

Maybe,
If I turn, the clocks and time back.

Should be,
Quite possible to have Whatever back.

A little poem...

I must snap outta this emo feeling... It doesn't feel too good...

The Northern Lights
Eugene Koh

The lights of the North,
Hovering above my head.
I trudged through the deep snow,
The sun never setting.

Whether it is day, or night,
Whether the sun would want to take its flight,
I stand here, cold, shivering,
Yet under the serenity of the Northern Lights.

The mountains towered, the lakes froze,
I walked upon the hills, no grass, nor fawn.
But yet I felt truly happy, as I laid down for camp,
I saw the moon, the sun, the lights and stars again.

As I went to sleep, which I very nearly couldn't,
I was kept mesmerized by the lights, waving in the sky.
Were there my ancestors, were there my friends?
Were there all my lost memories that I want back?

Were there my dreams, my hopes, my future?
Were there my dignity, pride and honor?
I asked myself, over and over again,
Until snow fell, and my eyes closed again.

Who do you need... Who do you love... When you come undone?

I'm just really pissed and emo nowadays for no apparent reason. Gee, I just can't help thinking why the fuck so many people are ka-jiaoing me to go to church, attend an "interesting" sermon, get miracles this and that. Other than that, I feel pretty much fucked-up due to the fact that I realised I can't do much (Hey, surprise surprise!). I can't help falling in love with 3 girls. I can't make them like me back. I can't keep one of them, can't save another one of them, can't reach out to the other. I hate myself. I never saw this coming, that I'd see all the girls I like in dire situations: One drowned in studies, another drowned in sorrow, another drowned in luxury.

I'm going insane...

What? Give up on Drama? FUCK YOU!

My mother today like at dinner tell me all this shit about my talent in drama and oratory skills and what not, crap until I damned pissed but I kept quiet. Then suddenly WTF she came up with that fuck theory that one do drama is like dead road that people will get sick of you over time so I'd better be a reporter: WHAT THE FUCK!!?!? Gee, I hate her man. Trying to spoil my dream over something so small as money. What on earth does she know about life man? She thinks like whoa "my religion is great my life sucks you'd better take care of me when I'm old" like who the fuck cares man? So damn pissed with her, kay? Wa lao ei...

Story Challenge 2009!!!!!!

Wow... A year has almost gone since I set up this blog. It is also around the time I was entering Story Challenge 2008 too. This year I'm not entering, coz I'm just too pro (my teacher said) and I'll own everybody's asses so just to save their ass (a little) just send a few specially trained people (by me).

I see a few familiar faces in the workshop yesterday... The girl from Yuan Ching... (Of course, Ryan wasn't there: He isn't participating this year...) The boys from RI (But they are easy meals...). But I don't see the pro group from RVHS this year man. Haha, Chung Cheng surely own one. Oh yea, just in case I delete that note from my phone, the placing for the Chung Cheng Competitors is...

For Individuals:
D3: Eunice (Up against Hwa Chong Instit, St. Anthony and Deyi)
C1: Zhe Kai (Up against Ping Yi, St. Nicholas and Nanyang)

For Groups:
B2: Claudia's Group (Up against St. Anthony, Ping Yi and Deyi)
C2: Meagan's Group (Up against Ping Yi, St Nicholas and Hwa Chong Instit.)

Of the individuals, I think Eunice is in for a big time against my friend whom I actually fought with: Sheri Tan! Zhe Kai would be in for somone strong in Nanyang, maybe, if that person is the junior, not the senior.

For groups I can't say much, but Raffles' teams and River Valley's teams are in for a hell of a time as their teams are in the same group and only one can emerge winner. So good luck to them!

Reporting time: 1 PM on 14/3.

My life's great... Yea...

Just about today I realized I'm going to the workshop for Story Challenge. Oh boy, it's been like a year already since my victory. I still remember Sheri... Ryan... Adiba... That boy from Ryan's school... And yea, Roi. Man, and I can't participate this year. WHY MAN! I WANNA OWN! Dammit. But hey, I look on the bright side, my parents bought for my that microsoft office for mac and a wireless mouse too. That's not bad.

I need to confirm when to meet Eunice. See ya around.

A little update...

So... I haven't been blogging for like what, two weeks? So now I'll just give a little update...

1) So far, EDS is working perfectly well. Kudos to Mr Wahid for the stage set. That'll be the perfect EDS heirloom I say.

2) I still haven't converted the AVA video... I pray Mr Chia will die in reservist camp and just rot there forever...

3) JX likes a new girl!!!

4) I'm starting to feel that She's not for me anymore... Primarily because of her monetary views.

5) Yiliang posts some good stories. But I do too, just that it's not up yet...

6) The dang EDS noticeboard is way too long locked. And the key is gone.

Well... I think that's all... Someone just tag my blog, for heaven's sake!

The Importance of being ERNEST!

WHEE!!! I went to another play today, man, it was kinda good. The Importance of Being Earnest, set in 1800's and definitely some sort of fucked up version of English as I know it. Damn difficult to understand lah, but I get it on the whole. Susan was like damn guai lan, daughter's boyfriend smoke can, know nothing can, but adopted cannot. (Try to understand that part, coz I also dunno how to explain)

Wanna sleep sia... got so much homework to do... So much to hand up... Buttons also haven't put on my shirt... sian... Okay, gtg do my history essay.

SYF 2009!!!

WHOO!!! SYF is finally coming to an end! Well, nearly, coz my judging is on the 2nd of April, but that's not very far away. But I have to perform once for CHIJ St. Theresa girls and one to the literature students of CCHMS. And another time for my parents. --___-- Oh well, the things I will do for drama...

Storyblog Update!

Well, I have finished the story arc of Viktor, and now I'll be moving on to the next one. I shifted the stories and all the chapters to http://viktorchronicles.blogspot.com, so do check it out, kay?

STORYBLOG!!!

Yea, if you have realised or observant or just plain bored you would have noticed I shifted the whole story of "Student Leaders" to another blog http://viktorchronicles.blogspot.com

So, just check it out right? I will add music and tagboard asap. As well as the Chronicles.

P.S. Check out Chung Cheng Kira by Yi Liang too! Right over at Yiliang's blog http://4everk.blogspot.com!

So afraid...

So afraid...

Of losing a member of EDS...

Of failing in almost every subject...

Of losing the sanity of one dear friend...

Of disappointing those who trust me...

So very afraid... I can't think about it. Just yesterday night I was lecturing Vicky for not turning up for EDS. I tried to make sure EDS can be together... But I have to be the bad guy. It's for EDS. It never was like this till my batch came into the school. Our first drama night, our first competitions, our first everything! We can't just leave a mess behind after my batch goes. The sec 1's have so much potential, they shocked me with their improvisational skills with the Story Challenge training. I feel so proud to be a member of EDS... But, I need them. I need their support. I need them to be committed. We can't go on if everyone just gives up... Ms. Adri must never give up on the script, the prop guys must never give up on our props, the actors most importantly must never give up on their roles! So afraid...

GONG XI FA CAI!!!

Whoo! Today is first day of CNY!!! So damn happy. Saw the eclipse man! I thank myself for breaking my bone and having a few sheets of X-Ray to look at the eclipse! Cool man! BTW, there is another eclipse on July 22! Must remind myself...

Yea, today played Sims 2 Castaway on my cousin's Wii. Damn nice, too bad my other cousins don't appreaciate the game of survival. But, thinking about it, that reminds me of my time in camp... So primal, back to basics game. I remember the Southern Cross on the firefly cruise... Brings back the memories man.

Yea, I'm off to play some game. Dunno which one but I'm off to play something!

Life is like...

Basketball.

There is always opposing and supporting teams.

Success (The ball) always goes from one team to the other alternatively.

The strong guys (leaders) take the lead, the weaker ones help in any way they can.

Sometimes it gets too rough, a little pause needs to be taken and everyone is one team.

Success is always sweet.

Most of the time chiongers don't succeed.

Rare miracles do happen when the weaker ones stand up and prove their worth.

We're all in one court, we're just playing.

Meditation Blog Answer...

I'm gonna answer this like all at one time and not in parts...

Loneliness. What is the meaning of loneliness? The feeling, sounds so familiar, yet the actual meaning of it disputed by all. Is loneliness painful? It seems to be. For all that is left of a lonely person is merely a fragment of his past. But he is not lonely, if he wants. His fragment of memory that lives in him continues as a companion for him to push forward and find that true meaning of happiness in life. If loneliness is not defined being totally alienated, then what is it? It would be like just a tiny molecule of water. Even a drop of water contains approximately a million of the molecules. But, existing alone, past, present and in the future, without any other similar companions to share a similar story. It has no memory, no feelings, no future. True loneliness, does not hurt at all. But it is impossible to achieve.

Faith, a steadfast value which is in present society being eroded of its worth and value. Once when man wanted his due, he got his due. However, when man wants his due in these times, he has to show a full file worth's of documents to prove his due. Is it due to human's ever present miscalculations and forgetfulness that we require these documents? If so, the scientists are to blame, for the previous systems is not an accurate depiction of work neither it is for faith. But now, as we speak, millions of heartbreaks occur. A rate of almost every second, a man thinks about a woman and a woman swoons over a man. However, as news reports every fortnight in every town, every city and every nation a man or woman is betrayed, divorced, and what not. But why, if we blame this whole thing on a value of faith and reject faith as a consequence, would we be blind to not consider what forms of society we had in the past as the reason? Our ancestors were forced to marry, parents ruled it, the sons and daughters had no choice but to agree. Love and affection was but a child's play. Yet the couples back then stayed true to each other, not by love but by faith. They have faith that each of them will take their own part and stay true for eternity till death. But now, love and affection blinds this words of faith and most take these blindly. We must clear our eyes of love and affection to see beneath the heavy responsibilities and the faith that your partner will need them and vice versa.

Even as I type, some out there claims that he or she have lost complete hope, or I see that they have lost all hope that can be. The faith that defines hope extinguishes, one turns away from all form of positive expression and views the world in total disgrace and negativeness. They were once children whose views held hopes as high as any of those around us, but they left it. But when one turns away from this sea of misery, they find themselves into the burning hell of misery, surrounded by those who can laugh and see light in darkness. But, when one is saved, that person will go all out to save the others from this great abyss and grab those who are not saved, for they have tasted the delights and tortures of being in either ends, and the sea is always more cooling than the tongues of fire.Therefore, the people in complete desperation, they look up, see those who are saved, a tinge of hope returns. Therefore, no one loses complete hope at all.

Meditation Blog...

Today, I'm gonna meditate... 2 full hours... Thinking of a few questions...

1) What is loneliness?

2) What is faith?

3) Why do we lose complete hope?

Yea... chim, I'll tell you the answers in the next post...

Now to cut my fingernails...

A little poem...

Well... I don't want to introduce this, so, enjoy and try to understand!

Ms. Vampire

By Eugene Koh

The winds blow at such great speeds.
Yet the grass remains rooted.
The heart beats faster than sound.
But love takes her heart astray.

Not to long ago, I knew her.
A vain missy, preening her long hair.
I a suitor to her that time.
Rejected thrice but I gave up not.

I've seen her, mislead and astray.
I've seen her when she was betrayed.
Those times, were those, I wished to help,
But could not.

Each break, worse than the last,
I could do nothing,
Only to watch like dust in the wind,
Helpless, both of us were.

It was till a point,
Mid of last year,
That she took the last straw,
And tried to dump the burden.

At first, relieved was I,
Half a decade of burden,
Washed away in her.
But, was I wrong or right?

Not long later,
She herself was bitten,
By this strange monstrous feeling,
That she was a vampire.

Now she stays awake,
During night and day,
She ponders what is happiness,
I could do nothing, but say.

"It is within you, before, now, and forever."

The End

AVA MAKAN SESSION!!!

Whee, lunch at Seoul Garden was superb! Good work for you guys who worked so damn hard at Sec 1 drama nite 2008 last year. You guys endured 9 fked up chinese drama instructors, saw me blast, and practically drinking coffee to stay awake. And this Seoul Garden meal is organized by our dear Rui brothers and Yan Lun!!! *Claps*

Sze Ning damn joke today. Mr. Chia on that table she shift place to sit beside me. Lols. Then Mr. Chia say is she don't want sit with Mark. What the hell man! Damn joke.

That was really filling guys. AVA Olympics is surely one good idea man. Lets see the events...

1) Set Hanging Mikes - 50m
2) Multiple Mike Set-up - 8 Mikes
3) Basic Hall Set-up (Duathalon, Triathalon, Tetrthalon)

Maybe more... but these will be the starters, shall we? Haha

Birthdays!!!

Wow, I never knew EDS has so many January birthdays! Yesterday was Yuki's birthday (though we didn't really celebrate it, but I'm gonna buy her a present!), today was Yiliang's and Vicky's birthday (And we celebrated Vicky's birthday on Yuki's birthday... haha)...

EDS was very fruitful today. Detailed block in my scenes already, so now left with the last few scenes. After EDS I decided to follow the birthday girl to Clementi who was with my ~dear~ chairman, Roi. Man, I feel so damn guilty intimidating a Sec 2 boy...

"The third eye can be trained?"

"Yea, but your life force will decrease. As in you will live shorter."

"NO WAY!!! I'm gonna live till I'm 90 and a REAL Zor Gong."

(Me and Yuki on training a third eye.)

On the way back to Pasir Ris where I will take bus no. 3 back home, Roi was "interviewing" me on questions to be a chairman. OH I so damn want to be a chairman. A combined Drama Nite has always been the dream of mine... I have to realise it soon before I'm sec 4!

Going to prepare for AVA Makan Session liao...

I'm getting old...

Oh gee...

I'm 15 already...

Not that I didn't know it, but the reality is just starting to hit me. Time just whirred past me like the wind at the concourse nearing the lake. Just 3 years ago about now I was waiting for my drama results and skipping the first assignments of school. I wonder how I got through these not doing/handing up of homework without being caught. Then just 3 years before that I was in Geylang Methodist, spending my last year there before being sent to a far away primary school in Punggol. Then 3 years before I just started Primary school.

So damn fast... 3 years later I'll be in National Service already...

Just the other day I was chatting with my EDS Junior, I was kinda happy to see that now my juniors have become actors in their own right, with pride and focus on stage, but at the same time I see myself in long pants, which means I'm not going to be with my dear juniors any further...

I miss my Primary school AVA. I almost cried when I dreamt about it the other time...

I can't imagine when I'm going from Chung Cheng... what life can be...

A Duet Poem...

Haha... Looks new eh? I didn't find it on the internet, I came up with it by myself.

First time, but here goes...
1) means speaker 1 and 2) means speaker 2

I Don't Like

1) I don't like the way you nitpick on me,
I don't like the way you scold me,
I don't like the way you punish the class,
All because of me.

2) I don't like the way you talk to me,
I don't like the way you as friends treat me,
I don't like the way you keep silent in class,
All because of me.

1) I don't like the way the sarcasm drips in your throat,
I don't like the way you manipulate the guys as maids,
I don't like the way you force squats on us,
All because of me.

1-2) Then why, oh why,
Didn't you tell me before,
When you tell me you didn't like that clear,
I would have stop dead in that.

1) I don't like the way you get pissed easily,
I don't like the way when you instill fear in us,
I don't like the way you don't give us slack,
All because of me.

2) I don't like the way you misbehave when I'm not near,
I don't like the way you don't do your homework,
I don't like the way you shut up in class,
All because of me.

1-2) So now, lets mend,
Put the past away like sand,
If we be wise and more kind,
We will make ourselves amends.

Eugene Koh

3BN!!!

GO 3BN!!! CHAIRMAN WILL ALWAYS BE THERE, REMEMBER, I WILLING TO DO 10000 SQUATS OR MORE FOR YOU GUYS!!! DON'T LOSE HOPE ON THE CLASS!!!

Punishment...

Today, I didn't complete my homework. A Math, E Math and Chinese. Feel so guilty. So I set up punishment for myself. 10 pumping every homework. 30 to do today. That hurts man.

But, hey, I'm still fine. Gotta improve my sit and reach. Train for NAPFA this year.

Okay... THE TRUE 100th Post...

Haha... never thought that I'll hit 100 posts on a blog before (Well, just a few days ago but that was bullshit) so in this special post... The Reason Why I Hate Christians.

My life started out without knowing what god is, like everybody else. And my father and mother were taoist and buddhist respectively. Well, they had a relgion because their parents told them to adopt their religion and they were certainly not very happy about it. Well, I was okay with it, coz I was born with it, what to do?

Then a primary 1 I was enrolled in Geylang Methodist Primary School. Yep, that school. I keep telling everyone that I'm from Edgefield but my first primary school is the former. Anyways it was from there that I got to for the first time know Christianity. I was fine with it, I prayed during praying sessions and what not. Trust me, although I did all that, I still view any religion as my parent's religion: Some sorta good story that people believe. Yea, I'm such a sucker.

Oh yea, there was one time, in church, that a teacher gave me this card that says "You are No. 1 (In God's eyes)" Being a child of innocence I was thinking "Hey, No. 1 eh... that's cool" and I showed my parents. Oh did they flare. They thought I went into a religion that they didn't allow me to. I cleared the air and everything was back to normal. Little did I know that the same people who stopped me from going into a relgion would be themselves accepting christ a few years later.

When they accepted christ, it was a tumultuous time for my family. My father accepted christ, my mother rejected it and the quarrels were so intense that I thought my mother gone insane by kneeling infront of my dad and begging him.

I had seen how a religion, good as it may be, almost tear apart my family.

It was kinda strange, around that time, all my relatives got to know the church one way or another. So now, even my brother is going into accepting christ. I prefer to stay an atheist, it's better that way. Even much so because I heard of hell. I'm prepared to suffer for eternity. I always prefer not to talk about religion, because if I do, I just become very offending. Sorry but, if you spread the gospel to me for more than three times I'll scream in your ear to fuck off. I'm serious about that.

Hey, what's the moody tone man? IT'S MY 100TH POST DAMMIT!!!

Uh... 99th... Post....

I know... A mistake... I counted in the previous drafts as well... But, on the good side, there's a chapter 10 of Viktor. Sometime in March or soon. I don't know. I'm killin' my Russian Pop, coz I'm looking for a better one. So in the meantime, here's a song that is MY NO. 1!!!

This is "Она Не Твоя" (She's Not Yours) By Stas Pieha Feat. Grigory Leps
Lyrics at the bottom

100th POST!!!

Whoo! Finally reached a 100. To celebrate this there is two poems I'm posting today!!!

I Set a Bird Free Today

By Eugene Koh

I set a bird free today,
I know where she went,
I want to make her stay but,
All in all, too bad.

I met this bird one day,
Just right at my door,
Her left wing looked misplaced,
And it sure meant she couldn't fly.

I tried my best,
After treating her,
To make her love my home,
And perhaps forget her nest.

But alas, as time went by,
Though she singed and sang,
Her melody was of one,
The melody of her home.

I couldn't see,
What she really need,
Till I saw her pleading,
To set her free.

I set a bird free today,
Her injury all got.
It was hard to make her stay,
But I learned something that day.

The End.

Running

By Eugene Koh

I run.

I run blindly,
Without caring.

I run blindly,
Without caring,
about the truth.

The truth was hard to bear,
I thought my friend was inferior,
But he got 3 admirers instead.

I always knew this guy,
He was one of a sort,
He was noisy, loud and immature,
And no girl could have liked him.

Love, how sweet a word,
Yet jealousy burns in the eye who perceives it wrong.
I am jealous, and infuriated,
Mine was stolen,
Yet he gained 3.

I run.

I run blindly.

I run blindly,
Without caring.

The End